Tuesday, June 25, 2013

10 Life Lessons I Learnt From My Father

Presenting to you a very different side of the usual Father's Day posts... Read on your own conscience. And do notice the simplest of the colour coding used here.

1. Don't ever be over-disciplined to your children
My family, especially my father, have always put me and my siblings under so much of over-discipline that our personality development was not even 50 out of 100 till we joined college after 10+2. Only after I got to reside in the hostel during my college days, I learned what it is to breathe without elders' permission.

2.  Allow your kids to do mistakes
It was a perfect sin in our family to commit any mistakes. And my father always used to rebuke us on our faults/imperfection in performing any act, especially studies. Regarding academics, even a loss of one mark out of 25 in a unit test would invite his wrath on us.

3. Never put your children under domestic abuse
It had always been perfectly normal in our family for us kids to either get beaten up by slaps-and-sticks or be strongly ridiculed in never-fading taunting words on daily basis. Obviously it results in negative effects on one's psyche, and in some cases like mine, it may grow into Bipolar Disorder unknowingly. A childhood spent under constant fear is the last thing anybody wants.

4. Treat kids equally on par with each other despite their different academics & varied interests
This is one of the very few things my father was positive towards me. Should I smile now atleast?! May be in my childhood, I would have. But the total opposite side of this fact was his under-caring attitude towards my younger sister, just because she was weak in academics. Although there used to be sibling fights between us also and I was jealous of her getting a clear preference over me from our mother always, but her psychological ridiculing due to her low performance in academics never ended... I guess... till... she... decided to..... (well, leave it here only)

5. Vacations are really important
And by vacations I don't mean visiting your relatives during summer/winter holidays. Kids need to see a total different perspective of nature/life. Again it constitutes one of the things we never got entitled to. My dad, during my age from 5 to 21, took us only once OUT to Vaishno Devi darshan. Exploring new places adds a totally different dimension to one's persona, not only studying and playing.

6. Stand on your own legs; do your own work yourself
A plethora of positive things also I can recount. One of his lessons of life to us had been to always perform one's chores by oneself. Every household work we used to contribute more or less always. Sometimes it was irritating and sometimes very much essential. One always need this attribute in his/her personality. Outside home, with age, we were given trivial as well as non-trivial tasks to perform independently, be it fetching water, bank/LIC work, etc. Self-reliance was the lesson for me here.

7. Be Confident. Don't hesitate to ask anybody for directions and guidance
Whether it be a question of asking ways/directions in traffic, or the question of wisdom, my father always advocated 'No hesitancy' principle. He always used to seek blessings of elders and talk respectfully to others, and also made us do so. Thumbs up! Lesson - Seek whatever you feel right.

8. Keep your way of living simple but flexible
Another mixed attribute of my father. He always fed us properly as much as his income allowed. That means being a middle middle-class family, the occasions of outdoor dining, partying with sweets were very rare. I got no pocket-money ever. Not even when he used to agree to send us on one-day school trips. Similarly on our birthdays, as small a cake he used to bring that it sufficed only to have a bite-full for each and everyone present. Means, we got the taste of everything but never stomach-full of what we craved. Nearly never. Simple living is the best but flexibility is required, this is what I practise nowadays.

9. Education and Honesty are the best practices
The fact that I completed my schooling and engineering with distinction and now I am working as a Central Govt. Class I officer... is the absolute proof of his no-nonsensical stress over his kids' education. Following honest practices and upholding one's integrity are the traits I learnt from him which form the basis of my life even now.

10. Understand the value of what you have 
"Always take less food at first. Don't waste even one grain of food and one drop of water." His words whether eating at home or attending some function/party. Obviously, we should understand the value of what we have at our disposal. Others may be deprived of it. So it always best to utilize our resources properly.

My father is not exactly my idol, though he has always provided his solid support whenever I 'needed'. Even though my upbringing under him has been far from friendly but still it was near-perfect in some sense. I can understand the plight of children who grow up fatherless, or without family. That's why, I understand this relation, I do respect and really care for him, so what if I don't love him from the core of my heart! He has been the epitome of my success in life. And I will be there with him for the rest of our lives. He may not be my hero; but I have always been the central part of his life though in his own twisted way. And I being self-sufficient now it's my turn to support him and become his 'old-age stick'. May God bless him! :)

P.S. -- ‘I am writing ‘10 life lessons I learnt from my father’ at Parentous.com'
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